Make the Choice to Change - Choose to Love

        

As 2013 comes to a close, I can’t help but reflect on the year. This is a routine that most of us partake in, whether we intend to or not. We often sit and think of the good, the bad, the ugly, the things that went well, the places where we could have improved. We usually end our stroll through the year with a desire to do better, be better, have better - a desire to change.

A few weeks ago, My pastor gave me a challenging assignment. In my usual procrastination fashion, I put it off for a while. Not because I was ignoring it, but because I didn’t feel up to the colossal feat. But as I humbled and yielded myself to God’s will, I began to seek the Lord for His words. What an apropos time, New Year’s Eve, to review the year and life in general, and make declarations for the coming year(s), hence completing my daunting task.

Many of us, especially in the African-American culture, repeat a popular quote by George Santayana. “Those who are unaware of history are destined to repeat it." In other words, if we don’t know where we’ve been, how can we know where we’re headed? Many of us have said "I will NEVER be like _______!" "I'll NEVER do what ______ did!" We become so fixated on NOT doing what was modeled before us, that we end up repeating the pattern by default. We seldom take the time to find out what we ARE supposed to do. We simply resort to what is familiar and comfortable. We repeat history! My plea to us all, as we embark upon this new year and a new chapter in our lives, is that we break the cycle – interrupt the pattern – change the status quo. Dare to do something different! Make the choice to change!!!

In 2011, I lost my (step) father, who had been my dad since I was 5 years old. He CHOSE to love me when he CHOSE to love my mother. Losing him helped me and my 2 daughters form a closer bond with my birth father, whose presence in my life has been sporadic. I’m CHOOSING to love him, despite his absence in the past. As if the loss of my dad wasn’t difficult enough, this year, 2013 left me reeling from the loss of my spiritual father. His death blind sided me and left me with so many unanswered questions and longing for explanations from God. But even in that situation, I’m CHOOSING to continue living and loving without him physically being here. I'm CHOOSING to love my heavenly Father despite the uncertainty and the questions. I'll be transparent and candid and reveal that my marriage has been a little rocky in 2013. My husband and I just don’t seem to see eye to eye. But in spite of our personal differences, I CHOOSE to love and encourage him to be the father that my daughters will love and duplicate when they CHOOSE spouses of their own.

So, you may wonder where I’m going with this. What do all of my personal losses and struggles have to do with you as you read this? Well, I’m glad you asked. A wise woman sent me a message a short while ago. It read:

“Legacy is more than continuing a vision; it’s a full composite of the sight, the steps and the seeds of a person. So many children, in our culture particularly, have no sight! They cannot see to step forward, and they have no seed in them because the fathers (seed bearers) have forsaken them.” ~Pastor Carol E. Harris. 

Many of us are fatherless in some manner, for some reason. Either due to death, loss, fight, flight or resistance, something has caused some men in our lives to leave or detach. We can’t change cycles and break patterns if we don’t address the issues. We must FEEL the pain and DEAL with the pain in order to HEAL from the pain (Oprah Winfrey & Iyanla Vanzant, Lifeclass).

As Paul said in the third chapter of Philippians, “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended.” In other words, I don’t claim to have all the answers or know all the steps to follow to get to healing. But I do know that no matter the question, JESUS is the answer! His grace, mercy, truth and love are everlasting and endure through all generations. I like the way The Message Bible states Philippians 3:12-14. It reads 

“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.”

Often times, what we go through is not just for us. Yes, it strengthens us and makes us credible witnesses for the Kingdom, but what we go though also paves the way for those coming behind us. Sometimes we endure things so that someone else won’t have to. God has taken me through the death, the loss, the fight, the reconciliation - I've been thru it ALL!!! And it’s all been for a reason – all for His glory if nothing else. But whatever the reason, I’ve endured these pains and hardships. And because I’ve endured them, I can command them!

In 2014, I command that we be healed from past wounds and scars. I command that daddyless daughters and fatherless sons be healed and not repeat the patterns. I command that we live in peace and not in pieces. I command that we feel, deal and heal. I command that we break the cycle and live free of the hurt and shame and feelings of inadequacy. I command that we choose to love, that fathers choose to go back and mend fences. I command that we begin again. I command that we choose to change and choose to love!

Happy New Year! Happy New Life!

 

Welcome 2014 

Sharon C.

12/31/13