Make the Choice to Change - Choose to Love

        

As 2013 comes to a close, I can’t help but reflect on the year. This is a routine that most of us partake in, whether we intend to or not. We often sit and think of the good, the bad, the ugly, the things that went well, the places where we could have improved. We usually end our stroll through the year with a desire to do better, be better, have better - a desire to change.

A few weeks ago, My pastor gave me a challenging assignment. In my usual procrastination fashion, I put it off for a while. Not because I was ignoring it, but because I didn’t feel up to the colossal feat. But as I humbled and yielded myself to God’s will, I began to seek the Lord for His words. What an apropos time, New Year’s Eve, to review the year and life in general, and make declarations for the coming year(s), hence completing my daunting task.

Many of us, especially in the African-American culture, repeat a popular quote by George Santayana. “Those who are unaware of history are destined to repeat it." In other words, if we don’t know where we’ve been, how can we know where we’re headed? Many of us have said "I will NEVER be like _______!" "I'll NEVER do what ______ did!" We become so fixated on NOT doing what was modeled before us, that we end up repeating the pattern by default. We seldom take the time to find out what we ARE supposed to do. We simply resort to what is familiar and comfortable. We repeat history! My plea to us all, as we embark upon this new year and a new chapter in our lives, is that we break the cycle – interrupt the pattern – change the status quo. Dare to do something different! Make the choice to change!!!

In 2011, I lost my (step) father, who had been my dad since I was 5 years old. He CHOSE to love me when he CHOSE to love my mother. Losing him helped me and my 2 daughters form a closer bond with my birth father, whose presence in my life has been sporadic. I’m CHOOSING to love him, despite his absence in the past. As if the loss of my dad wasn’t difficult enough, this year, 2013 left me reeling from the loss of my spiritual father. His death blind sided me and left me with so many unanswered questions and longing for explanations from God. But even in that situation, I’m CHOOSING to continue living and loving without him physically being here. I'm CHOOSING to love my heavenly Father despite the uncertainty and the questions. I'll be transparent and candid and reveal that my marriage has been a little rocky in 2013. My husband and I just don’t seem to see eye to eye. But in spite of our personal differences, I CHOOSE to love and encourage him to be the father that my daughters will love and duplicate when they CHOOSE spouses of their own.

So, you may wonder where I’m going with this. What do all of my personal losses and struggles have to do with you as you read this? Well, I’m glad you asked. A wise woman sent me a message a short while ago. It read:

“Legacy is more than continuing a vision; it’s a full composite of the sight, the steps and the seeds of a person. So many children, in our culture particularly, have no sight! They cannot see to step forward, and they have no seed in them because the fathers (seed bearers) have forsaken them.” ~Pastor Carol E. Harris. 

Many of us are fatherless in some manner, for some reason. Either due to death, loss, fight, flight or resistance, something has caused some men in our lives to leave or detach. We can’t change cycles and break patterns if we don’t address the issues. We must FEEL the pain and DEAL with the pain in order to HEAL from the pain (Oprah Winfrey & Iyanla Vanzant, Lifeclass).

As Paul said in the third chapter of Philippians, “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended.” In other words, I don’t claim to have all the answers or know all the steps to follow to get to healing. But I do know that no matter the question, JESUS is the answer! His grace, mercy, truth and love are everlasting and endure through all generations. I like the way The Message Bible states Philippians 3:12-14. It reads 

“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.”

Often times, what we go through is not just for us. Yes, it strengthens us and makes us credible witnesses for the Kingdom, but what we go though also paves the way for those coming behind us. Sometimes we endure things so that someone else won’t have to. God has taken me through the death, the loss, the fight, the reconciliation - I've been thru it ALL!!! And it’s all been for a reason – all for His glory if nothing else. But whatever the reason, I’ve endured these pains and hardships. And because I’ve endured them, I can command them!

In 2014, I command that we be healed from past wounds and scars. I command that daddyless daughters and fatherless sons be healed and not repeat the patterns. I command that we live in peace and not in pieces. I command that we feel, deal and heal. I command that we break the cycle and live free of the hurt and shame and feelings of inadequacy. I command that we choose to love, that fathers choose to go back and mend fences. I command that we begin again. I command that we choose to change and choose to love!

Happy New Year! Happy New Life!

 

Welcome 2014 

Sharon C.

12/31/13

The Post-Christmas Doldrums - There IS a Way of Escape

The Sadness

The hustle and bustle of Christmas has slowed down. Things are a bit more quiet. For some, depression sets in. For others, the depression that was already present seems to deepen. Sadness can often take us to dark places that we're not sure if we can (or even want to) escape from. We focus on what we've spent, what we've lost, the mountain of debt that seems to be ever increasing. We struggle to find ways to carry on with life's needs and expenses after the big shopping sprees. Sometimes, it can all be too much!

 

The Natural Escape

Have you ever been feeling sad or down and suddenly, out of the blue, you get a call, a text, an email from a friend you haven't spoken to in ages? Ever been scrolling through facebook and come across a post that speaks to your current situation and ministers to your very heart? Those are no coincidences. Those situations are examples of people being obedient to the voice of God. John Donne penned the poem "No Man is an Island." We are important to each other, and someone else's survival may depend on us! One of the enemies strategies is to encourage us to isolate ourselves. He tricks us into thinking that we don't matter and that no one wants us around. He knows that when we are weak and alone, we're less likely to fight and resist him. Deuteronomy 32:30 clearly illustrates the power in numbers. One can chase a thousand, and two can put ten thousand to flight. There's safety in staying connected. Escape the despair of your house, your bedroom, your monotony. Force yourself to socialize and interact with strong people of faith who can intercede on your behalf.

 

The Spiritual Escape

The Bible assures us that we can cast our cares upon the Savior, for He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). Often times, we feel that we shouldn't or don't deserve to bother God to help us get out of things that we've brought upon ourselves. But our loving and gracious Heavenly Father promises a way of escape from every temptation, so we won't have to go through the same battle again. We must yield and submit to Him. Turn it over to Jesus. Lay your all on the altar of sacrifice. Give it to Him.

The Signs

We've lost far too many loved ones, family members, friends and acquaintances who just wanted an escape. We can no longer bury our heads in the sand and sit idly by. We can't say "It's not my business." It IS our business. We have a duty to our fellow man to get involved. 

Many suicidal people give warning signs of their intentions. Suicide is best prevented by our ability to recognize these signs and responding quickly when we spot them. Our role in suicide prevention is to point out alternatives, show that we care and getting a doctor / professional involved. 

Here are signs to look for:

• Withdrawing from others
• No hope for the future 
• Preoccupation with death / constant talk about death & suicide
• Self-hatred / self-loathing / self-destructive behavior
•  Saying goodbye / getting affairs in order
• Sudden sense of calm

The Prayer

Depression and suicide are very touchy subjects. Many times, we choose not to even broach the topic because of fear or lack of understanding. We must seek God for the right words to say and the right way to say them. Our posture cannot be one of judgement or shame. We must show the love of Christ and share the hope and assurance that we have in Him. 

My prayer for you, for me, for us all, is that we become strategic in seeing the enemy and his tactics. We really are warring for our lives and the lives of others.  Ephesians 6:12-13 reminds us "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." We cannot fight this fight in and of ourselves. We need the whole armor of God, His divine intervention and a keen gift of discernment to hear and obey His voice. Stay tuned in! Know when someone is in need of help, and have holy boldness to be God's hands, feet, eyes, ears and voice in the earth. Someone's life depends on it!

Peace & Blessings,

Sharon C.

12/27/13

No Man Is An Island

No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend's
Or of thine own were:
Any man's death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.

John Donne

You Can Get THROUGH This!!!

There's an old gospel hymn that says "We'll understand it better by and by." Truth is, we may NEVER be able to comprehend God's ways with our carnal minds. I Just visited a friend who endured the unthinkable. Even in the midst of it, with all the signs and symptoms, she could not recognize it for what it was. My natural mind cannot comprehend why she's going through what she's going through, but my spiritual mind knows that it's going to be alright! 

God never puts more on us than we can bear. He hand selects us to go through what we go through (THROUGH being the operative word). Going through something means that as long as you keep moving, keep pressing and keep going forward, you'll come  OUT. It's only when we become stagnant and limit or stall our mobility that we don't make it through. Don't get stuck in the process. Just keep moving and you'll come out! 

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Sharon C.

12/25/13

Teach Tolerance - Overcome Hatred With Love

      

All day, my facebook newsfeed was riddled with posts about Paula Deen, the Duck Dynasty dude, the CEO of Chic Fila, the ku klux klan, muslims killing Christians and all sorts of vile statements and acts, all for the sake of what one believes. The common denominator has been hatred, but the antidote is love. The Bible tells us to "Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21. The Lord appeared to Jeremiah (3:31) and said " I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee." That must be our posture in the midst of all this hatred. We CANNOT spread hate under the guise of religion and evangelism. 

I am a Christian, a follower of Christ! I'll shout it from the mountain tops and tell it everywhere I go! "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth;" Romans 1:16 But being Pro-Christian is not the same as being Anti-Everything else. Not acceptance, but tolerance. I must still respect people with opposing views. Yes, I'd love to spread the gospel, tell of my loving Savior who died to set us all free, and convert non-believers. But at the end of the day, it's their choice to make. That's why God gave us something called Free Will. All I can do is plant seeds, someone else will water them (hopefully), and God will get the increase. 

I know we want to save the world. God does too. It's His desire that none of us perish (2 Peter 3:9). But Matthew 7 tells us that the way to destruction is broad, but narrow are the gates to heaven. Not everyone will make it in. And it's not up to us to decide who gets in and who doesn't. We must work out our OWN soul salvation with fear and trembling, lest we be like the 5 foolish brides in Matthew 25, unprepared for the bridegroom's return (and they were believers)! 

The Bible's instructions to us are clear...LOVE! And lift Jesus up. HE will draw all men unto Him. He doesn't need our help! He doesn't need us to DRAG or BELITTLE or BERATE all men until they come crawling to Jesus because of guilt and shame. Just keep loving until we love the hell right out of them! ;-)
#TeachTolerance
#TeachTheLoveOfChrist <3

   

Sharon C.

12/21/13 

Prayer for Prisoners

I woke up Saturday morning and turned on the TV and there was a discussion on some news show about the increasing incarceration rates in US. I didn't pay much attention to it. I showered, got dressed, took my daughter to a friend's house and then went to our local Wal-mart. In the car, I turned on the radio, and there was a representative from Angel Tree: Prison Fellowship telling a story of an inmate who was able to give his son the first Christmas gift that he'd PAID for and not stolen thanks to Angel Tree. I kinda ignored the message the first time, but in the car, in the quietness, I realized that God was trying to show me something very important. This time, I listened. The radio interview began to fade out, but I was able to get the gist. People who are incarcerated need us to show them the love and compassion of Christ.

Since 2002, the United States has had the highest incarceration rate in the world. And sadly, the numbers are not decreasing. If we are honest, incarceration has touched all of our lives in some way, shape or form. We all know a family member or a friend who is in prison. Perhaps someone reading this has been incarcerated yourself. Many incarcerated adults have children who are left behind in the care of the other parent, a friend or family member, or sometimes a complete stranger. I spent some time working as a case worker in the foster care system, and it's often heart breaking to see the damage done to the psyche of a child who feels abandoned and forgotten by a parent. 

Yes, I know that the saying is true "If you do the crime, you have to do the time." The law of reciprocity holds true in the natural and in the spiritual. Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap (Galations 6:7). However, God shows love, mercy and compassion. Lamentations 3:31-32 reads "For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love." Yes, many people who are in prison are there because they broke laws and did not obey the rules. But NONE of us is without sin. For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23. 

During this Christmas season, let us show the love of God in our thoughts, words and deeds. Pray for those who are behind prison walls. Pray that they find salvation. Pray for the various prison ministries around the globe that meet the physical and spiritual needs of prisoners. Make contributions to such ministries if you can. Pray for children with incarcerated parents. Pray that God will guard their minds and keep them sane. Pray that God will build a hedge of protection around them to shield them from the evil and wickedness of abuse. Pray that these children break the cycle and the generational curses and not become inmates themselves. Pray that their parents reach out to them and show them that they are loved and not forgotten and abandoned. Pray that they feel Christ's love for them. This Christmas, give the gift of prayer!

Websites to visit:

• Statistics about US incarceration rates: 

http://www.prb.org/Publications/Articles/2012/us-incarceration.aspx 

http://www.bjs.gov/index.cfm?ty=tp&tid=11

• Angel Tree: Prison Fellowship: http://www.prisonfellowship.org/programs/angel-tree/

 

• Children of Incarcerated Parents

http://findyouthinfo.gov/youth-topics/children-of-incarcerated-parents 

Sharon C.

12/16/13