How?

Can't sleep.
Fighting back tears.
Mind is racing,
But the reality still remains that he's gone.
Keep hoping that yesterday was a dream.
It's all a blur anyway.
So surreal.
So maybe it wasn't real.
But then I remember ... It's real.
It's reality.
A harsh reality.
Life without him - what does that even look like?
How do you keep believing when what you've been believing for is gone?
You just keep believing, because this is not a loss, it's heaven's gain.
You just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep walking by faith not by sight.
You just keep remembering all the times He's come through before and you keep trusting Him to do it again.
You just keep holding on to His word and standing on His promises.
You just keep CONTINUING!
‪#‎TeamTJ‬ ‪#‎continuE‬

Today

Today, the sun shines a little less brightly.
Today, the air is a little more chilly.
Today, the clouds are a little thicker.
Today feels a lot like my heart - dim, cool and dreary.
Today is the day that I'll have to begin living in a world without TJ.
It's not the first day though.
I did live without him 32 months ago, but that was February 2012 BT (Before TJ).
How in the world do I live in October 2014 AT (After TJ)???
It feels so strange.
I miss his smile (even though he always made attempts to mask it).
I miss his requests (even though they were always accompanied by bellows and demands).
I even miss his tears for they were signs of life.
I don't know how to live in a world without TJ, but I trust two things for certain:
1) that God will show me how
and 2) that the next world I live in with him will be far more amazing than we could ever fathom!!!
I'm grateful to have known him for 25 of his 32 months on this planet. For in that short time, he showed so many the true meaning of faith, determination and perseverance. This is not how I thought his story would end, but I accept what God has allowed. Until we meet again Terrell Moore Jr! Gone but NEVER forgotten! ‪#‎TeamTJstillgoingstrong‬ ‪#‎continuE‬
All my love to his mommy A'mesha Shamere'! 

October 2, 2014