- an unpleasant feeling often caused by intense or damaging stimuli
- the physical feeling caused by disease, injury, or something that hurts the body
- mental or emotional suffering : sadness caused by some emotional or mental problem
- someone or something that causes trouble or makes you feel annoyed or angry
The pain began at the end of 4 days of constant walking around my classroom, monitoring students during state testing. I was about 3 months pregnant and was told that the baby was probably positioned near my sciatic nerve. I expected to be fine after delivery. Due to complications in the pregnancy and with the baby's heart, brain and lung development, I delivered her a little more than 2 months later. Stillborn, she was coming feet first, so the doctor had to push her back, turn her around and then I had to deliver her. And all this occurred with no pain meds because my water broke and labor followed so quickly, that there was no time to even insert an IV.
Although Shamara Christian was the smallest of my three daughters, her delivery was by far the most painful. And even the physical pain of her delivery paled in comparison to the emotional pain that losing her left in my heart. I became a shell of my former self. I became a recluse. I shut out the world. I even shut out my family. And honestly, for a minute, I shut out God. I wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything. Daily, I prayed for death, but it would not come. Then one day, around Christmas of 2009, God told me to STOP asking Him to take me away from here before He did it! So I vowed to trust His promise that my latter days would be greater than my former. And on New Year's Eve, my friend gave me the news that she and her husband were expecting what later turned out to be my twin Godbabies who were prophesied into my life. Of course there are days that I still feel the pain of losing my angel Shamara, but God has turned my mourning into joy and given me beauty for ashes.
In the years following the loss of my baby, I began to experience loss and pain on an unfamiliar level. Not only did I experience emotional pain caused by the deaths of my my brother, father, influential spiritual leader / Bishop in our church and my pastor and Overseer, but the physical pain in my body began to substantially increase. I was able to stand for shorter periods of time before needing to sit, I was able to walk shorter distances before feeling pain, the number of pain-free hours in the day began to diminish greatly. And as my pain increased, my patience and tolerance decreased. I sought medical treatment, but each new procedure only brought about minimal relief. I was suffering and miserable.
I felt pain like I've never felt it before - debilitating, crippling, immobilizing pain. My mind went to deep dark places. I was reminded to not pray the prayer to leave this earth, but if staying here meant being in this much pain, then I didn't want to stay. My blood pressure was constantly elevated due to the stress and agony my body was suffering. My entire right side from my waist down to my toes was in some sort of torment. My hip and thigh felt as if someone cut me open, threw in a lit match and sealed me back up. The front part of my thigh would sometimes tense up with massive spasms. My calf and shin felt as if I were being poked with thousands of needles or as if I was being stung by thousands of bees. My ankle throbbed more than the worse toothache I've ever had, and my toes and the top of my foot were simply numb. Many nights I rolled on the floor and cried out to Jesus to take it away, someway, somehow.
I know that God was with me in those dark hours. I know that He sent relief in the form of obedient servants praying for me, speaking prophetic words of life to me, even my chiropractor who performed services that he didn't even bill me for. I felt God's hand at work. I had to keep the faith and know that even though I didn't understand the place He had me in, He wasn't going to keep me there forever. It was a test of my faith. I spoke healing over myself daily. I prayed scriptures of healing back to God. I rubbed and massaged my aching hip and leg and back and ordered it all to line up and be healed in Jesus' name. I obeyed God's words and did what He told me to do. It took many many months, but just as He promised, healing came!
Fast forward 5 years after that first "odd" tingling feeling in my hip and here were are in May of 2014. I no longer have pain in my hip or back or calf or ankle or toes. God has delivered me from the yoke of bondage. For me, healing came by way of surgery. I had a microdecompression and despite a little tenderness from my incision, I'm happy to report that I'm pain free! By His stripes, I am healed!
I know that life will still bring pain. Our lives will be filled with sorrow. But our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has overcome the world. He has come that we might have life and life more abundantly. No good things will he withhold from us who love Him and walk upright before Him. So we should count it all joy when we when we have various tests and trials, for the testing of our faith produces patience. And we must let patience have its perfect work in us - perfect meaning complete and lacking nothing!!!
It is through our trials that God gives us everything that we need! We come out delivered and set free, and if the Son therefore shall make us free, we shall be FREE INDEED!!!
Scripture References
Haggai 2:9
Job 8:7
Isaiah 61:3
Isaiah 53:5
John 16:33
John 10:10
Psalm 84:11
James 1:4
John 8:36
When God delivers you, the sky looks a little bluer, the grass looks a little greener, you love a little harder, your heart is a little more grateful. Once you are free, you're free indeed! \o/ #NeverTheSame
#fighting
#continuing
#enduring
#reaping
Sharon C.
5/6/14
